Blogging vs journal

I used to think blogging was easy, I mean I have always had a way with words, I was never a shy child. Now that I don’t have a speaking platform I figured I would start blogging to share my thoughts and I assumed it would come easy.
You see, the thinking does come easy, but because I need to sit down and write it all down, it becomes tricky as in my mind I need to ‘perfect it’. It is never perfect and half the time I wonder if I am blogging to anyone at all or just using a blog as a journal.

Yes, I have always been a ‘talker’, but making friends has always been a challenge for me and it continues to be a challenge online. I am afraid of rejection and I am afraid of being left out so I would rather be on my own than try make friends and not be accepted. Safe way of playing but I am not sure if it’s the best thing for what I want to do with my life. I have been in Cape Town for 10 months now and I have not made any new friends.
I am afraid of opening myself to new people, so scared that I dare not venture outside the house. On days that I do go outside, I have to wind myself up for at least a day before I go outside.

I don’t want a lot of friends really, just that one friend who will invite you for coffee just to chat and laugh, that one friend who I can go book shopping with, who I can share thoughts with. Now I live for the hour long call from my friend back in Gaborone who calls to chat about business, life, love, everything really. I know there are people out there who don’t even have that one friend so I am eternally grateful for my friend Refilwe.

Bored at home

This is turning out to be like my book journal, 1 entry a month if I am lucky. I dont know why, but of late I am feeling extremely low and discouraged. I guess I never thought I would get such moments when I quit my job to come here. I am not complaining and I am not even missing my old job. Just want to do a whole lot more with my time. I just want to do more stuff. A part time job would be cool but being in a foreign country, I cant really do that without a permit and stuff. Having a friend to do stuff with would be cool, not just on weekends, but even during the week. :-) Maybe I should just have a baby and concentrate on raising the baby?
Was just thinking to myself that I love quilting and scrapbooking, but I dont know where or how to start!!