I used to think blogging was easy, I mean I have always had a way with words, I was never a shy child. Now that I don’t have a speaking platform I figured I would start blogging to share my thoughts and I assumed it would come easy.
You see, the thinking does come easy, but because I need to sit down and write it all down, it becomes tricky as in my mind I need to ‘perfect it’. It is never perfect and half the time I wonder if I am blogging to anyone at all or just using a blog as a journal.
Yes, I have always been a ‘talker’, but making friends has always been a challenge for me and it continues to be a challenge online. I am afraid of rejection and I am afraid of being left out so I would rather be on my own than try make friends and not be accepted. Safe way of playing but I am not sure if it’s the best thing for what I want to do with my life. I have been in Cape Town for 10 months now and I have not made any new friends.
I am afraid of opening myself to new people, so scared that I dare not venture outside the house. On days that I do go outside, I have to wind myself up for at least a day before I go outside.
I don’t want a lot of friends really, just that one friend who will invite you for coffee just to chat and laugh, that one friend who I can go book shopping with, who I can share thoughts with. Now I live for the hour long call from my friend back in Gaborone who calls to chat about business, life, love, everything really. I know there are people out there who don’t even have that one friend so I am eternally grateful for my friend Refilwe.
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