Job hunting

I must admit, I was very naive with regards to the job market in South Africa. I came here 2 years ago and have been job hunting since then.

Yes, it doesn't help that I am not South African but I thought there was a bigger need here than in Botswana. In Botswana at least I understand that there are fewer companies and the industry really is small.

I was hungry for more and I thought I would get a job similar to the one I had back home. Well, I have gone for a number of interviews and the one thing that has stood between me and getting the job has always been that getting me a work permit would be a hassle and a half. Guess I wasn't good enough neh? Well, I am not going to get into a self pitying mood ( I have my family and friends in Botswana doing that for me just fine)

Truth be told though, the more I think about it, the more I realise that I really do not want to do what I trained for. Yes, I have experience in that field. Yes, I stand a higher chance of getting a job in that profession than any other as I have a bit of experience in that field, but it doesn't make me happy.

It will be a job (once I get it) but a job I do not really love or like. My last job had its moments, but I always wished I could do something else. I did start to find what I could do, what I loved but the need for money, for employment (guaranteed salary) always stops me before I fully understand. I guess I am confused when it comes to my own life. I keep letting people tell me what I need to do or how I should do it and I cannot take a stand and say this is what I am going to do and I am going to make it work.

If I had concentrated on finding my path 2 years ago and not done anything else, I would have found it by now.

I think I am going to set aside time to pray and meditate on that. Let God lead me and show me what to do. I feel like I have been running around senselessly like a headless chicken for so long.

I am only 30 years old and having a mid life crisis. Is it even possible?