Gabs-Lusaka-Cpt-Gabs

I am back.......
Been gone 2 weeks now. :-) Must admit I had lots of fun! Ok, Lusaka wasnt all that and a part of me knew it wouldnt be wow. Training was ok, the lady supposed to be training wasnt exactly knowledgeable on the subject. It was a waste of my time! Even though the company was paying for me to be there, I could have used the time wisely. I felt bad, like I was robbing the company of time and money!! And to make it worse, the lady treated us like we were some poor stupid africans!! I dont like being treated like I dont have a brain.

:-) Cape Town!!! Well, that was wow!!! I had a beautiful time with my husband. It was a foretaste of what our life would be after the 5th of December and I absolutely love it!! Farai is a true gem! I love this partnership and I have God to thank for creating us for each other.

Back home now and not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. :-( got a pain on my back even, :-( stress!! Its not a difficult job, but I work with people who are constantly trying to prove that they are capable and good by putting me down and belittling what i do even though I know they dont have half the brains I do. :-) I am fearfully and wonderfully made!! Daughter of the most high, why am I afraid of people who have no Jesus? They need to see him in me, I need to walk with my head held high, work hard, love life and everyone around me.
:-) With that...... I am ready for the week!!! Plus, tomorrow is a day closer to my wedding day and living with Farai :-) :-)

The God in me

I have a number of things on my mind tonight. :-) nothing hectic or cryptic or painful!
One of my devotions this morning was on Moses and the burning bush. A truly wonderful and inspired story. Bottom line, it's not about me, its not me.... :-) Its the God in me! Reminds me of the song Mary Mary sings, the God in me :-)! I am not doing anything, its not about me and I need to stop making everything about me! Thank you Lord for the gentle and sweet reminder!

:-( cant remember the second thing!! But I think there is a third.

Third..... The Real Time Faith lesson for this week is just oh so what I needed right now! Its about HANDLING EMOTIONS!! That is a power packed lesson. The verses are:
Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)
• “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

John 16:33 (NIV)
• “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)
• “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

How powerful is that!? My God loves me so much, I have nothing to be afraid of, I have no need for anything for He provides even before I ask.

:-) I am just thinking that even God providing me with a husband was a seemingly long process to me, but now when I look at my husband, I cant help but smile and thank God for the man He has given me! A man who loves and fears God. A man who loves and adores me :-) who inspires me, who makes me so happy! :-) Thank you Lord Jesus for pouring your love for me in Farai. Thank you Lord

:-) I have remembered the third thing, On the CQ website is a blog on Letting go and Letting God. And the author talks about how God led her to leaving facebook! Something I also feel inspired to leave. And guess what? She nailed the real reason why facebook!!
This is what she says;

'Now, after finally letting go and letting God have His way on this issue in my life, I don’t feel burdened by my tendency to compare myself to others, which for me, social networking only made worse. I no longer feel guilty for not listening to my conscience. Now my prayer is: “O Lord, may we live our lives to Your glory and honor. May we make staying in touch with you our first priority with every new morning You give us the gift of life. May we not argue with the urgings of Your Holy Spirit. May we be still and know that You are God and that You are in control. May we trust as it says in Jeremiah 29:11, that Your will for our lives is far better than our own. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.” '

I think facebook depresses me because it seems like we are all competing. Who has the nicest whatever and will put it up for the rest of us to see and envy and if I dont have it it seems like something is missing in my life! Too much comparison. My life is full, busting at the seems even! God has been extremely good to me, nothing is lacking in my mind. December will be my last day on fb, if not earlier. :-) I am loving the blod :-)

Warrior is a child.............

There is a song, I dont quite remember how it goes but the whole message is around what do you do after you have fallen, after your heart has been broken and you are so sad, where do you go when you dont know where to go, when you dont know what to do with yourself!

I guess the questions above are not why I am blogging today. The response says you just stand, in His presence, you just stand! You dont have to say anything, dont have to do anything, you just stand!

:-( it doesnt make sense, am feeling so low, weepy even, but I dont know why. :-( and the devil is capitalising on that, reminding me of all the things that have ever hurt me in life :-(. How do you bury the hurt? No, not bury, I have buried it and it keeps resurfacing. I want it gone! Never to return! Life at times is painful, you love so much, you do so much for those you love and they do so little for you or nothing :-(
Is this the unconditional love that God wants us to have? To love so much and get nothing back and expect nothing? I guess I am far from it cos I want to be loved back, in the same manner that I love. :-( that's selfish I know!
I wish I could say it doesn't matter. Lord Jesus, take my hurts away, the bad memories, replace them with happy thoughts, with a happy present as the past we cant undo!
Lord, sometimes the gifts and talents you give us also hurt us. I dont know how to explain this but you understand. For once Lord, I want to be one of those people who are receiving from family and friends. Not to always be the one people expect gifts from. I am not complaining about the gifts I have given out. But just once Lord, let people do something nice for me. :-( am I asking for too much? Without me asking or complaining to them, I want to be remembered and to receive gifts of love. Maybe I am asking too much Lord. Help me not to expect too much from my family and friends Lord Jesus, in the same manner as I have been committing everything to you and you have been helping me Lord, let us continue. Forgive my selfish thoughts
Thank you, for I feel a lot better.

Wedding preparations

:-) I have just been reliably informed that I am a bit too hasty in the wedding preparations, i.e. the dancing lessons should start ideally in September and not now! At least I have a name and number of someone who can assist!
:-)

Friends are friends forever!

Interesting, or rather we serve an awesome God who never ceases to amaze me! I was saddened, because I couldn't understand why our friendship was seemingly going down the drain! :-) guess what God said to me? He asked me what I was doing to nurture and grow that friendship and guess what, I wasn't doing anything! In essence, if I want good friends, I need to be a good friend! Even to the friends that I have!
:-) Thank you God for answered prayers!

Dont let the sun go down.....

I am mad, dont know if I have any right to be mad!! :-( I hate feeling like I am being used! I hate feeling like I am always doing things for people who are never there for me, even for the smallest things! How hard is it to do something for someone? :-( I am not happy!!!