Friendly strangers

:-) Seriously, I need help. I have one follower on my blog and the last time they were on my blog was like a year or 2 ago! I am that boring huh? Could dedicate Akon's "Lonely" to myself!

Well, yesterday I went out for my monthly shopping and after dropping my husband off I decided to get a quick breakfast. I am walking down the aisle and a gentleman greets me in my native language! Imagine my shock! I am thousands of miles away in a strange land where people speak something else and I am greeted in my language!

Well, if you know me, then you know I didnt greet him. I looked straight on to where I was going. Truth be told, I thought I missed home so much that I heard my native tongue! I happened to stand behind him in the queue to pay and he asked me if something was wrong, still in my native language. I had to laugh as I explained that I thought I was hallucinating! We talked and laughed for a bit as we waited to pay after which I went my own way.

It lit my day, that was just a God sent!!! To be able to speak my language and for a second forget that I am far away from the land of my parents. That reminds me, I need to go write a recipe for my mother, before she calls to remind me again!

Blogging vs journal

I used to think blogging was easy, I mean I have always had a way with words, I was never a shy child. Now that I don’t have a speaking platform I figured I would start blogging to share my thoughts and I assumed it would come easy.
You see, the thinking does come easy, but because I need to sit down and write it all down, it becomes tricky as in my mind I need to ‘perfect it’. It is never perfect and half the time I wonder if I am blogging to anyone at all or just using a blog as a journal.

Yes, I have always been a ‘talker’, but making friends has always been a challenge for me and it continues to be a challenge online. I am afraid of rejection and I am afraid of being left out so I would rather be on my own than try make friends and not be accepted. Safe way of playing but I am not sure if it’s the best thing for what I want to do with my life. I have been in Cape Town for 10 months now and I have not made any new friends.
I am afraid of opening myself to new people, so scared that I dare not venture outside the house. On days that I do go outside, I have to wind myself up for at least a day before I go outside.

I don’t want a lot of friends really, just that one friend who will invite you for coffee just to chat and laugh, that one friend who I can go book shopping with, who I can share thoughts with. Now I live for the hour long call from my friend back in Gaborone who calls to chat about business, life, love, everything really. I know there are people out there who don’t even have that one friend so I am eternally grateful for my friend Refilwe.

Bored at home

This is turning out to be like my book journal, 1 entry a month if I am lucky. I dont know why, but of late I am feeling extremely low and discouraged. I guess I never thought I would get such moments when I quit my job to come here. I am not complaining and I am not even missing my old job. Just want to do a whole lot more with my time. I just want to do more stuff. A part time job would be cool but being in a foreign country, I cant really do that without a permit and stuff. Having a friend to do stuff with would be cool, not just on weekends, but even during the week. :-) Maybe I should just have a baby and concentrate on raising the baby?
Was just thinking to myself that I love quilting and scrapbooking, but I dont know where or how to start!!

Back online

Went home for my sister's wedding, getting back to the flow of things has been a bit challenging. For starters I was extremely sick when I got back and could not do a single thing. Then the motivation just sort of was not there.
Try as I could, nothing could bring me to open my laptop. I tried once, but ended up doing nothing important. One of those where you get a mind block and just sort of play online. Total waste of time, I downloaded a couple of interesting pdf books which I will get to reading eventually. Being a stay at home wife is hectic not as easy as I thought it would be but I am loving it. :-) Need a bit more structure to my days though.

I am back now and will be regular once again

Encouragement Blog

So far so good I think. I don't have a lot of people yet, got around 20 so far. People are so busy that I am not sure how many people will actually keep reading my devotions, but my prayer is that more and more people will find my blog and keep reading it. I have only received feedback and responses from 3 people, but I will keep going. If my blog is meant to reach only those 3 people then it will go on. Christ left the 99 sheep in the fold and went to look for the one. If the 99 are safe, then the blog will be for that 1. I know I had expected a lot of good feedback from family and friends and haven't really received any on that front, but I am going to try not to be disappointed and try to work for the Lord and not for family and friends' nods of approval.

Its Friday today, preparation day. So after this I am going to get ready for the Sabbath :-). Welcome, Welcome ever welcome blessed Sabbath day!!!

Finally

:-) yep!!! I have finally started the encouragement blog. It feels good. I have been planning (mentally) to get started on the blog and I have finally started and even invited a couple of people. No turning back now :-). I am going to start getting material for the other blogs that I want to push out. Hope all of them are successful :-).

Feels very good. Maybe I should start one on all the dishes I try out that come out well.

Internet

Joo!! This thing can be hectic! I had a virus the other day and cleaning it was a mission and a half. Today I needed to send something to a friend that I had been meaning to send and getting online was a pain! :-) I am finally online now. I was reading somewhere that said that the UN had moved the Right to Internet Access was now a human right and not a need. I have heard people say that people at the UN have no job, but to have Internet Access as a human right? I do not know, maybe I am looking at this whole thing the wrong way but what exactly does the UN do or stand for? For me, it looks like they just sit and discuss what should be a right and a need.The UN has let me down tonnes of times so really, they are just there..... Maybe something will happen to restore my faith in the UN but yah, in this world, Christ is our only hope!!

24 hours.....

I woke up today with a list of things to do in my mind. As soon as my husband left for work and I sat down, I didn't know what or how to do it! I was blank! It stressed me a bit because I have been home for a week now and I have not really done anything. I had not wanted to clean or do any household chores today but because I was feeling bored and unmotivated, I figured I might as well get those out of the way for the week so I did cleaned and did laundry. Will be ironing this evening. Had wanted to cook or bake up a storm, but there is so much food in the fridge. I will do that maybe on Wednesday. I have brought a couple of books from home. I think I will switch off the laptop and start reading and writing. I will be starting a couple more blogs in a couple of days so I think going forward I will be busy. Need to get the financial literacy stuff out of the way though. Need to clear my mind though. Feels like there are a million things running through my mind at the moment. 24 hours seem like too much or too little at times.

For now, I am going to get ready for tomorrow and for supper. Clean the kitchen, cook and iron and think :-)

Home Sweet Home

Been gone 2 weeks and it feels like I have been gone forever. It feels good to be home :-). The thing with Air Botswana depressed me hectically and I was not able to even get out of bed. My baby came and reminded me that it could have been worse, reminded me that the people who messed us up are happy with their families and we should forget about it and enjoy our life. Like my baby always says, life is too short to spend it stressing and not enjoying ourselves so I am going to start living my life and enjoying and loving it. So no more stress over Air Bots. I am home and I am going to start living like it were my last day. That means more reading and writing and more cooking and more going out and doing stuff that I love doing.

Air Botswana

I used to be very patriotic, that is until I took Air Botswana on the 3rd of July 2011! I was left stranded at OR Tambo airport after having been repeatedly assured that my connection had been sorted out because of the Air Botswana flight delay. I got to Joburg only to be told that my contract with Air Bots was done as I was now in Joburg and no they could not sort out my connection because they had a technical issue with the plane, making that my problem. I was humiliated and inconvenienced greatly and ended up having to buy a new ticket to the value of R1172! I have no kind thoughts or words for Air Botswana and I think they would do everyone a huge favour if they could fire everyone and close up shop. They are clearly in the wrong business.

Reading.....

I want to be a writer. I read books by Francine Rivers and J.K Rowling and I am amazed at their level of writing. I have read a whole lot of books and for me these two women stand out! They write with so much passion and so much detail! When I first read Harry Potter, my thoughts were not on the magic but on the detail in the book. There is so much detail in those books that it feels like you are there, in the same room or place. It is amazing!!! The names, the places, the magic.... It is so full, it doesn't leave room for you to fill in any blanks, the blanks are already filled in for you.
Then there is Francine :-). A woman whose writing never ceases to bring me closer to the Lord. Yes, she writes fiction, but its almost as if she was writing a real life story. The detail is amazing, the experience and connection with God is so real. God flows and talks to you right there and then, throughout the entire book! How amazing is that?
I want to write like Francine.

I read somewhere that to be a good writer you need to read a lot. I used to read a lot, now I am in that confused state :-(. I can't find anything inspiring to read, I buy books thinking I will read them and then when I get home and I open them, the writing is so plain and not so inspiring. It feels like I have more to say and write about than the writers themselves. I want to sit down and start writing, I haven't found my inspiration yet but I am getting there.

Emotions :-(

I have very few things that upset me in life, but when they do upset me, I really get upset. As a child I sort of realised that when I talk about the things that upset me, people tended to get hurt and upset but they don't necessarily consider the reason I am upset. People would say I like to blow up which I didn't, I mean how can anyone like blowing up? It made me so sad because I rarely expressed my feelings and no one really knew me, what I liked and what I didn't like. I was taken for granted a lot because people assumed they knew and for some reason no one bothered to find out who I was and what I wanted. That hurt but I figured people preferred a quiet me to a verbal me.
Even now I find I have very few things that upset me, I have tried to discuss them but even now I still feel misunderstood. I am not asking for a lot, I thought that once I grew older and crossed a certain stage then I would be free to be myself and be accepted for who I am :-(. Sadly that is not the case. To keep the peace and to ensure happiness, I find that I have to keep my feelings bottled up inside me and pray I don't boil up or I don't give up on myself or on life. I think yesterday was one of the saddest days of my life :-(. I just pray and hope that I can keep quiet and keep my feelings locked up or written down somewhere for it seems I keep saying all the wrong things or saying things that are not attended to.

Monday errands

Today was a hectic day. To start off with, one of my contacts 'broke' Saturday night and I had to drive almost blind the whole weekend. So first thing on my agenda for Monday morning was Optician. I had a number of things I had wanted to do, but my mum had a long list as well so I decided to cut my list in half so I could get her stuff done. I woke up sad, frustrated and weepy and decided to start my day an hour later, fortunately I had put everything down in my calendar so I knew exactly what needed to get done. I went to get my dress, but the tailor wasn't done yet so I went to get the contacts (over the counter), in South Africa you need a prescription while in Botswana all you need is to know the lens strength:-). Then I went to the pharmacy next door and got my family planning pills, :-) still without a prescription unlike in South Africa. Then next door again to Exclusive Books where I spent P200, instead of my P100 budget. Then I decided to get myself a pair of shoes, thought they would cheer me up a bit but they failed dismally :-(. After which it was an hour before my lunch appointment so I decided to run another quick errand. I ran a couple more errands after lunch but I am glad that I was able to successfully complete every single one of them. My sister called just before lunch with a task she was supposed to have prioritised and where normally I would have dropped everything to help. I decided that I was too overwhelmed to take on her task. Yes it was important, but I also had lots of important things to do and I figure its time my sister started taking things a bit more seriously.

Still feeling saddish, but with time I will be ok. Right now, I am just there.......

Phakalane Church Fundraiser

I went to Phakalane Church fundraiser this afternoon. There were not that many people but P69, 000 was raised which is amazing given there were less than 20 people there. Yes, some people sent through their contributions, but P69K was impressive.


The Pastor read from Psalms 46. He read a couple of verses:

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof

The highlight was in verse 10: Be still, and know that I am God!!!

The way he explained it was that Be still in the original language means to relax, not to fret. Whatever you may be facing, whatever might be going on in your life, regardless of how big or hopeless it may seem, God is in control. Don't try to help him, after all, He is GOD!! Just stand still and let him carry you through it. It was inspiring to me because I fret and stress about even the little things and end up not enjoying the life that God has blessed me with.

Just a thought

I know the world preaches that you need to blow your own horn, preach and tell all how good you are at things. But isn't that being proud as well? I have listened as my friends talk about all the good things they are doing for the Lord, about how people said they were blessed or happy with their work and it always makes me wonder, is the Lord happy with such work? Whatever happened to working for the Lord and not expecting praise? Why do people like praising themselves? Surely if you are working for the Lord then the Lord should be the one praising you, not you praising yourself....
I am just tired of people running around doing things so that they can be praised and get recognition, whatever happened to self dying so that Christ can live in us? Whatever happened to lifting up Christ and letting him do the work of drawing saints?

Today.......

Today I am feeling lost! I did not have a bad dream, I haven't been sleeping well because of my low iron levels, but I don't think that is the reason I am feeling low.
I can't place my finger on it or on the reason why, but I am just feeling sad and very low.
One of my contacts broke last night and I don't have spares on me :-( as I am at my parents place in Phakalane and getting them in Gabs isn't the simplest of tasks. Plus it is a weekend and the optician opens on Monday! I have lots of places to go and tonnes to do before Tuesday as that is the day we are expected to go home to Jackalas. Just feeling overwhelmed and not in control and that makes me want to curl up and hide from everything and everyone.
:-( I cant see without my contacts, how am I going to get around :-(?
I think I should take deep breaths in and out and get out of bed!!!!!

Day of rest: Sabbath

The Sabbath is a day of rest, created for us to be able to rest and unwind after a hectic week. It is more that just a day to get together with friends and talk about stuff. Its for us as individuals to rest in the Lord, to sit back, go to the Lord's feet and just listen to him. To lay all our burdens down and just forget about all the stressors out there. More often than not however, we use the Sabbath as a day to show how 'holy' we are, it becomes a day that we use to show each other how much more we love the Lord by coming early and chastising those that come late, I am not saying people should come late, but we are all different and have been dealt different cards in life. You may not have problems but some people are struggling to get by and to get through. Church should be a place of rest and refuge, not a war room. The Sabbath should be a day of rest, on this day, I would like to hear sweet words of how Christ loves me and died for me. On this day I want to hear that regardless of what I am going through, Christ will cover me and come through for me. On this day, I want to be reminded that the battle is not mine but the Lords.
I might not be able to go to church every Sabbath, I do not expect to be stoned for it. Sabbath rest to me does not mean going to church every Sabbath. The God I serve meets me at my point of need, not only in church.
I do go to church and I love and enjoy worshipping with the other saints :-)

Death: My cousin passes away

Death is never an easy thing to deal with. We watch movies everyday of people dying, we go to funerals every week, but when someone dies it hurts ever so much. I guess that has to do with the fact that every individual is unique and that when someone dies, its not so much about death but about the loss of a loved one. I believe that when Christ comes again we shall see our loved ones who have rested in the Lord again. But the thought that we continue on the journey without them is still painful. The memories shared, the places they used to occupy, the things we did and enjoyed together.... Death leaves a void in our lives.
We have hope in the Lord, for he says that All things work together for good to those who love the lord, to those who are called according to his purpose. Yes, Kabo Tuelo Gobela is no more but we know that the Lord who has the whole world has a plan for each and every one of us. Kabo had Muscular Dystrophy and we had been praying for a miracle for so long. We were still praying for a miracle when he passed away, God always answers prayers and I believe even in Kabo's death he has answered our prayers.

Still cannot believe that he is gone though, seems like yesterday when I saw him and talked to him.

Goodbye Facebook

After wanting to leave Facebook for so long, I have finally deactivated my account. I hope I can stay off it.

Facebook is a social place and in as much as it brings friends together and let's them know what the other is up to, it has depressed me more than it has given any joy.
It has become a competing place, to show up how successful we are, to brag (that's the word)! To brag about our successes, brag about our knowledge of the bible, brag about our families.
It works for other people, but for me it has been a complete let down. I cannot handle the 'friend ratrace', I cannot handle being ignored by friends, I cannot handle being left out, I cannot handle feeling like a failure.

It was nice while it lasted, but I am ready for that long overdue facebook fast.



Karabo

Funny thing

I love reading, so much so that I can get lost in a book. But I am not reading much, not for lack of reading material, but I lack the motivation and inspiration. There are a few writers who have captivated my mind and when they don't have new reading material I am bored stiff.

The others try but they just don't speak to me as much. My favourite writers of all time are Francine Rivers and Judith Bronte. I love the old classics as well but these two ladies write such inspiring stories that draw me to my knees, that make me pause to talk to God. Their stories are fictional but they speak volumes.
I also want to write like Francine and Judith, at the moment I am nowhere near producing what they are doing so I am not even going to try. I am going to stick to writing devotionals because I don't think I have an imagination like theirs. I will write them on the blog daily. I don't have any followers yet, but hopefully
I will pick them up as time goes.
The other person who has tried to write and has succeeded is the lady who wrote Harry Porter, I forget her name. The detail in her stories is remarkable, she puts you right on the scene and does it in such a way that all her readers have a single view of the story. When it comes out in movie theaters, you can remember things from the book and everything will be exactly how you read it.
I read some Harry Porter books and I was reminded of Francine Rivers. They have an almost similar style of writing. The irony of it all, they are on opposite sides. One writes Christian fiction and the other...well, from her books writes non Christian books. Talent wasted on Harry Porter!
Its interesting how we have become so desensitized into thinking that evil is cool and more fun as compared to good. Most Christian songs don't even have the word Jesus or God in them. They appeal to our highly charged emotions and that is just how the world likes them. Christians would rather buy non Christian material than buy Christian material to feed our minds.
And we wonder and marvel at the atrocities happening all over the world!

I am also guilty of that, I am saddened to admit I like watching programmes like Merlin which encourage witchcraft and idolatry, Ben 10 which shows a universe dependent on a kid with a watch that gives him the ability to turn into a dozen powerful aliens and rescue the world! Where is Christ in the programmes we watch on tv? We are such a science oriented generation that we have pushed Christ out of our lives.
The few Christian programmes out there are so commercialised that they are more about entertaining than lifting Christ just so that they can have viewers. Those that are not are deemed boring and no one watches them. What have we become? We need the Lord now more than ever.

I have long wanted to blog, to lift up Christ, to praise, worship Him using the talents he has given me and I have only just began


Karabo

Wow! The last update I did was in August! Got no excuse, and so much happened between now and then.

I am not sure how to do this. Do I update as from August, or do I just continue from now?
So much has happened, I'll do monthly summaries and catch up.

SEPTEMBER:
A once best friend of mine got married, but I missed the wedding. Didn't get an invite or directions,
But I was still expected to drive 800km or so to Zimbabwe from Botswana to an unknown location. Much
As I don't want to say it, my friend was being selfish.

OCTOBER:
Don't remember much happening in this month

NOVEMBER:
I resigned from work & became the happiest girl ever. That place was choking me. I wasn't growing
Anymore. Plus, now I could concentrate on my wedding day which was now only a couple of days away.
Planning a wedding is hectic! A lot of people took advantage of me and gave me halfbaked service
And some just went all out to sabortage my wedding. :-) but God is good, for He had my back and
Gave me even more people to help me so I can't complain.

DECEMBER:
Got married on the 5th in Jackalas no1 village in Botswana and on the 12th in Gweru, Zimbabwe we had
The 2ceremonies went very well and we had friends from all over attending. Most didn't make it,
But we are grateful and happy about those that attended. It was a blessed and special day.
We left for our honeymoon on the 13th, we were in Cape Town on the 1st of January 2011.
The honeymoon deserves its own posts :-)